p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
