first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
vagina is talking i cant
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
