dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
