my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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