i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
