put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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