Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
