The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
