Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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