I CAN MOONWALK!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
