Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
