my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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