There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize