Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
