Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
