Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need to align my fucking chakras
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
