i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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