This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
