it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
