So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
