hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I could make wine with my vomit
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize