Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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