Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
