An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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