Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
