Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
