i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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