to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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