God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
