I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
