Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize