sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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