dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize