tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
