Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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