it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
