He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
