i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
