i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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