dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you traded sex for a burrito?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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