my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
