I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
