my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
