I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
