I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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