my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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