I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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