Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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