If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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