Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
