Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
