dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
