I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize