How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
