The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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