She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
