I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
