So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
