$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
