i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
