im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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