pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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