Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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