I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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