babies were throwing up all over the place
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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