Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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