i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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