We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
