no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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